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Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Oscar Nom for Melissa RULES!!!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Friggin' hairs!
Stubble...shaving...what kind of thwarted joke is this that God has bestowed upon us? Face...armpits...legs...nether regions...
Sure...we want hair to grow on our heads and will resort to rogaine or other desperate measures for that...but in all seriousness I don't want to look like 2/3 of ZZ Top. I don't want to have to "manscape". Why do I have to shave my face every 2 days just to avoid looking like a hobo? And why do I have to spend my hard-earned money on a nosehair/earhair clipper? Friggin' hair! Just grow where I want it to and stop growing like weeds in places I don't dammit! Oh...and stop growing in white on my chest! I don't want to be Kenny Rogers for Heaven's sake!
Sure...we want hair to grow on our heads and will resort to rogaine or other desperate measures for that...but in all seriousness I don't want to look like 2/3 of ZZ Top. I don't want to have to "manscape". Why do I have to shave my face every 2 days just to avoid looking like a hobo? And why do I have to spend my hard-earned money on a nosehair/earhair clipper? Friggin' hair! Just grow where I want it to and stop growing like weeds in places I don't dammit! Oh...and stop growing in white on my chest! I don't want to be Kenny Rogers for Heaven's sake!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I swear...I'm not pregnant!
Excuses, excuses...yes, I'm the King of Excuses. I need to lose weight, because quite frankly I'm tired of people stopping me on the street asking me when I'm due. OK...I just lied. Nobody has stopped me on the street asking that...basically because I'm never on the street (too busy working out my mouse finger for hours on end doing pointless things like "liking" pointless Facebook posts and bursting virtual bubble wrap).
First goal...stopping the late night snacks (and by "snacks" I mean practically a meal before going to bed). Hard to get to sleep on an empty stomach, but maybe just a small amount of cottage cheese or fibrous cereal will do the trick rather than Stouffer's Mac & Cheese or a Celeste Pizza or a can of Chef BoyRDee double stuffed ravioli.
Goal 2: more exercise. No excuses here. I get 2 15 minute breaks and a half hour lunch at work. I eat lunch and smoke. Should do some walking after eating lunch and while smoking (although I should stop smoking...but that's another future goal and doesn't add to the zeppelin that is known as my tummy).
Goal 3: stop with the empty calories known as whiskification™. OK...honestly...I know it contributes, but drinking a little every now and then is my vice and until society stops revering the Kardashians and those Jersey Shore assclowns...not to mention Paris Hilton, Usher and his "protege" Justin Beaver (I could get nasty, but I'll stick with the word "protege")...I can't see myself giving up the occasional shot heard 'round the world (well, at least heard round my tummy).
I thought there was some inspirational, "let's all get physically fit" brouhaha that I was going for here...but I lost my train of thought.
First goal...stopping the late night snacks (and by "snacks" I mean practically a meal before going to bed). Hard to get to sleep on an empty stomach, but maybe just a small amount of cottage cheese or fibrous cereal will do the trick rather than Stouffer's Mac & Cheese or a Celeste Pizza or a can of Chef BoyRDee double stuffed ravioli.
Goal 2: more exercise. No excuses here. I get 2 15 minute breaks and a half hour lunch at work. I eat lunch and smoke. Should do some walking after eating lunch and while smoking (although I should stop smoking...but that's another future goal and doesn't add to the zeppelin that is known as my tummy).
Goal 3: stop with the empty calories known as whiskification™. OK...honestly...I know it contributes, but drinking a little every now and then is my vice and until society stops revering the Kardashians and those Jersey Shore assclowns...not to mention Paris Hilton, Usher and his "protege" Justin Beaver (I could get nasty, but I'll stick with the word "protege")...I can't see myself giving up the occasional shot heard 'round the world (well, at least heard round my tummy).
I thought there was some inspirational, "let's all get physically fit" brouhaha that I was going for here...but I lost my train of thought.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Survival
2012...supposedly the "end of days". Well...if it's the end of Mondays, I'm OK with that...unless it's a 3 day weekend, then it should be the end of Tuesdays. Heck! (yeah, I said "Heck") Let it be the end of all days except Saturdays and Sundays (and 3 day weekend Mondays). Oh...and protect Susan Dey (pronounced like "day") who was Laurie Partridge and got radio stuff transmitted in her braces. I swear I was going somewhere with this, but my train of thought derailed.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
New Hampshire Primaries
New Hampshire primary results (78% of precincts reporting)...
Mitt Romney 70,191 38.3%
Ron Paul 42,529 23.2%
Jon Huntsman 31,054 17%
Newt Gingrich 17,661 9.6%
Rick Santorum 17,560 9.6%
Rick Perry 1,323 0.7%
Michele Bachmann 250 0.1%
Other 2,561 1.4%
Now, for one thing Michele Bachmann dropped out before the NH Primary, so apparently there are at least 250 voters in NH who have no clue.
"Other" (there are no others, are there?) got more votes than Rick Perry, which says a lot about Rick Perry.
Onto the others...
Rick Santorum...last name sounds like a video game quest location...or a place that might be a receptacle of Christmas refuse.
Jon Huntsman! The Mighty Huntsman! Deer, ducks, quail, rabbits...run for cover!
Ron Paul...impressive number...but your last name is a first name. Aside from that I like you. You're like to cool old uncle who tries to bring reason unto the family gatherings that are full of family bitchiness and resentment.
Which brings me to Mitt and Newt. Now seriously...could you imagine having a President named after a baseball glove or a lizard?
Can you tell I'm not really political?
Mitt Romney 70,191 38.3%
Ron Paul 42,529 23.2%
Jon Huntsman 31,054 17%
Newt Gingrich 17,661 9.6%
Rick Santorum 17,560 9.6%
Rick Perry 1,323 0.7%
Michele Bachmann 250 0.1%
Other 2,561 1.4%
Now, for one thing Michele Bachmann dropped out before the NH Primary, so apparently there are at least 250 voters in NH who have no clue.
"Other" (there are no others, are there?) got more votes than Rick Perry, which says a lot about Rick Perry.
Onto the others...
Rick Santorum...last name sounds like a video game quest location...or a place that might be a receptacle of Christmas refuse.
Jon Huntsman! The Mighty Huntsman! Deer, ducks, quail, rabbits...run for cover!
Ron Paul...impressive number...but your last name is a first name. Aside from that I like you. You're like to cool old uncle who tries to bring reason unto the family gatherings that are full of family bitchiness and resentment.
Which brings me to Mitt and Newt. Now seriously...could you imagine having a President named after a baseball glove or a lizard?
Can you tell I'm not really political?
Monday, January 2, 2012
2011 fails (sarcasm up front)
Facebook changes its layout to great reviews from its users.
GMail changes its layout to great reviews from its users.
"2 1/2 Men" continues without Charlie Sheen and with Ashton Kutcher to great reviews from its fans.
ABC moves "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" from Sunday night to Friday night to great convenience for its fans.
Hundreds declare sexual molestation by college athletic staffs 20 years after the fact all of a sudden (not saying that none of it is true...but seriously...where were you all the last 20 years?).
99% of American politicians prove that they are sucky and can't reach simple decisions without resorting to "I know you are, but what am I?".
Friends neglect to awaken a passed out friend at 3am when a naked foreigner knocks at the hotel room door. (that's a personal one...and don't ever let it happen again!)
The US Postal Service announces that they will soon cut out one day a week of misdelivering 5% of mail that's been torn and bent (even though the envelope clearly states "do not bend") and claiming they tried to deliver a certified letter but nobody was home even though someone was and they didn't even attempt so you have to go out of your way to wait on line at the PO for 1/2 hour.
The "Footloose" remake.
Weiner's wiener...unimpressive and not worthy of sharing on a cell phone or any other social networking device (yeah...I went there).
Protesters with no suggestions of solutions. I respect their right to protest, but at least have some intelligent suggestions and stop complaining about no jobs when you spend 2 months camped out in public places inconveniencing hard working Americans rather than actually looking for a job. (I know it wasn't all of them...but enough of them to piss me off...just saying)
That bitch in a full length fur coat at the A&P who verbally attacked one of those Salvation Army bell-ringers who was just standing off to the side quietly and not "in your face" collecting change for the needy.
Justin Bieber...like we needed her...oh, wait...
The cancellation of "FlashForward" without a definitive ending. Oh, wait...that was about 2 years ago, but still pisses me off. Never mind!
The show "Dance Moms" on Lifetime. Never actually watched it, but saw far too many commercials for it. Seriously? This bitch cow from Hell with a mouth like Morton Downey Jr is molding young female dancers? I'm doubtful that she could even do the Bunny Hop, let alone have a daughter or know anything about success as a dancer. Seriously? Just saying.
The show "Toddlers in Tiaras" on the "learning" channel (aka TLC). What have we learned from this? Toddlers made up like hookers or televangelist sideshow freaks are acceptable? I think not and feel so badly for these innocent little girls. Again...just saying.
GMail changes its layout to great reviews from its users.
"2 1/2 Men" continues without Charlie Sheen and with Ashton Kutcher to great reviews from its fans.
ABC moves "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" from Sunday night to Friday night to great convenience for its fans.
Hundreds declare sexual molestation by college athletic staffs 20 years after the fact all of a sudden (not saying that none of it is true...but seriously...where were you all the last 20 years?).
99% of American politicians prove that they are sucky and can't reach simple decisions without resorting to "I know you are, but what am I?".
Friends neglect to awaken a passed out friend at 3am when a naked foreigner knocks at the hotel room door. (that's a personal one...and don't ever let it happen again!)
The US Postal Service announces that they will soon cut out one day a week of misdelivering 5% of mail that's been torn and bent (even though the envelope clearly states "do not bend") and claiming they tried to deliver a certified letter but nobody was home even though someone was and they didn't even attempt so you have to go out of your way to wait on line at the PO for 1/2 hour.
The "Footloose" remake.
Weiner's wiener...unimpressive and not worthy of sharing on a cell phone or any other social networking device (yeah...I went there).
Protesters with no suggestions of solutions. I respect their right to protest, but at least have some intelligent suggestions and stop complaining about no jobs when you spend 2 months camped out in public places inconveniencing hard working Americans rather than actually looking for a job. (I know it wasn't all of them...but enough of them to piss me off...just saying)
That bitch in a full length fur coat at the A&P who verbally attacked one of those Salvation Army bell-ringers who was just standing off to the side quietly and not "in your face" collecting change for the needy.
Justin Bieber...like we needed her...oh, wait...
The cancellation of "FlashForward" without a definitive ending. Oh, wait...that was about 2 years ago, but still pisses me off. Never mind!
The show "Dance Moms" on Lifetime. Never actually watched it, but saw far too many commercials for it. Seriously? This bitch cow from Hell with a mouth like Morton Downey Jr is molding young female dancers? I'm doubtful that she could even do the Bunny Hop, let alone have a daughter or know anything about success as a dancer. Seriously? Just saying.
The show "Toddlers in Tiaras" on the "learning" channel (aka TLC). What have we learned from this? Toddlers made up like hookers or televangelist sideshow freaks are acceptable? I think not and feel so badly for these innocent little girls. Again...just saying.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
1/1/12
An evening of trivial love and ass-kicking (had to be there...E.U. et al). Just spent my Sunday night as every Sunday night for the past 6 years (well, there were a couple of nights I didn't...damn cable outage or power outage). You know...some may say that friends you meet online aren't actual friends, or are perverts, or are predators looking to steal your identity. Well, if you are careful they can become actual friends who you grow to love, and are not looking to steal your identity. Perverts....well, that's another story and another thing that strengthens the friendship over the years, because we can all be innocently perverted. Just saying!
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