Friggin' hairs!

Stubble...shaving...what kind of thwarted joke is this that God has bestowed upon us? Face...armpits...legs...nether regions...
Sure...we want hair to grow on our heads and will resort to rogaine or other desperate measures for that...but in all seriousness I don't want to look like 2/3 of ZZ Top. I don't want to have to "manscape". Why do I have to shave my face every 2 days just to avoid looking like a hobo? And why do I have to spend my hard-earned money on a nosehair/earhair clipper? Friggin' hair! Just grow where I want it to and stop growing like weeds in places I don't dammit! Oh...and stop growing in white on my chest! I don't want to be Kenny Rogers for Heaven's sake!