Flatulence...or is it?!?!?

So I've reached that age group...you feel those rumblings at times...try to hurry out of that elevator, quickly walk away from coworkers...deny things while sitting in your comfy chair at home or lying in bed. But the denial is futile! You hope for just normal, gaseous expulsions...but once in a great while it turns out to be more. It's when you sit there and say to yourself "DAMMIT!!!!"...and proceed to cleanse and do a quick load of laundry.
Just saying and hoping nobody's listening...